Spring has sprung on the island of Manhattan, ushering in record breaking high temperatures and nose-stuffing allergies. Along as well come spring flings, mother nature making the inevitable call to both genders, coupled and not, to... well... get busy. Procreation is our calling, after all. Victoria's Secret bags are clutched in the hands of ever hopeful maidens, while the average Joe' s gym attendance suddenly spikes. The more hemlines are hiked, the more fingers become interlaced as partners do their dating dance amidst toy puggles and tykes on training wheels. (On multiple occasions, I have sighted the "hands-in-each-others-back-pockets maneuver, which forces an innate gag reflex.)
And here sits the perrenial Old Maid, tippety-typing away on her keyboard, most likely on the verge of a quarter life crisis. Searching for meaning in every day monotonies, yearning for true fulfillment, yet not entirely sure what that means or how to capture it. Soul-searching leads to self doubt, obsessive compulsive tendencies trap me in a vicious cycle of which I struggle to break free. Questions arrise- do I continue on this struggling actress schtick, though not altogether certain it is my real passion? Do I cart my indecisive behind back to class and obtain a degree in something marketable and reliable? The problem is, if I don't perform, all I want to do is read and write. The introverted book worm am I. And fairly certain this will not lead to a lucrative career.
So with all this chaos swirling through my mind, tis truly shocking I have not yet managed to snag a mate, eh? For surely bi-polar, somewhat manic depressive, OCD-minded gals are a hot commodity on the dating market now. (Was thinking of adding this to my personal traits on match.com, yet am so frazzled that I refuse to even view my profile anymore. It is as though viewing the portrait I painted of myself six months ago as oppsed to the space cadet I have become as of late is more self-exposure than I am willing to allow myself.) Rather, I wake every morning with the mantra flowing through my mind "New Day, New Beginning". But truly, I am fairly certain I used up my alotted quota of new beginnings some time ago.
Loopedy-loo, cyclical days, round-about eves. My world is a permanent 360 rotation, a hamster wheel in which I feel myself running... and running... and running... towards a never changing horizon.
So the question is thus- do I stop the endless marathon, or change the view?
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I think you should write. You have an obvious talent for expression that I think you should share it with other . . . beyond your blogs. Why don't you try submitting short articles to the various magazines? With your past travels and adventures; your easy but insightful style - you're sure to interest some publication. What about writing a contemporary novel – I know its work but, I’m sure you could do it. Words seem to flow gracefully from your fingers and make for really very enjoyable reading . . . I’m just sayin.
ReplyDeleteL. Baxter